Then, at some point during my sophomore year, the dynamic switched: I clearly became the clingier of the two of us. To this day, I don’t know what I did to them to make them dislike me so much.Admittedly, I was that girlfriend who would send dozens of texts an hour, even if Tom was with friends. My friends liked him enough when we first started going out, but they quickly changed their minds after he hurt me the first time.All my friends had boyfriends, and I was reaching a point of near desperation.Not to mention the fact that I’ve always had some self-confidence issues, and I unfortunately rely heavily on male approval to feel good about myself.I smoked probably a total of fifty times in my life over the span of two or three years, and every single time was with him. He promised, though, that he only smoked weed and would never try any other drug. Toward the end of the school year, just as we started to be happy again (and I swear, we really were happy), he broke my trust a second time.Just a few hours after we came back from his senior prom (which was a magical night for me), he went to a beach house with his friends and spent the weekend tripping on acid.One of the things that Tom and I discussed in somewhat great detail was pot and how it had such a negative effect on all his friends.He was the only one who didn’t smoke, and he told me endless stories about how stupid it made them and how their personalities changed once they started smoking.
I know that sounds dramatic of me, but it was a physical reaction that I couldn’t control.
I did love Tom, and I enjoyed hanging out with him when we weren’t fighting or passive-aggressively expressing our frustrations with one another.
I think that I was probably more afraid of breaking up, however, because it meant I’d lose a boyfriend, not that I’d lose Tom.
Throughout our relationship, I was so emotionally invested in constantly trying to prevent breakups that I think it had a weird physical effect on me.
Meanwhile, the drugs had more or less changed him as a person.