Your child's emotional health depends on it." "Teenagers like to feel in control, and divorce turns their world upside down," Neuman says.
"Don't fall into the trap of sharing divorce details or your angry feelings about your ex with your older kids. You can suggest your child write down his feelings and share them with your ex, but only if the child wants to do so. Healing comes through a loving connection and from feeling understood." "I tell parents to treat their child's weekend away with their ex-spouse as if the child has just visited an aunt or uncle," Neuman says.
While attaining that time out sounds like a good idea, typically it is not. Because once they experience the relief, it is difficult to go back into the unpleasant task of figuring out how to solve the problems.
Our experience with helping couples indicates that separation facilitates divorce, but seldom facilitates reconciliation.
Therefore, the comments that follow address principles, not him directly.
By leaving his wife in California when they were already having difficulty, Dinesh initiated a process that promised a bad end.
Perhaps one or both of them thought it wise, maybe that being away from each other might help. The old adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is more accurately stated “absence makes the heart grow fonder for someone else.” If a couple truly wishes to try to salvage their marriage, they should commit to living in the same home and finding the help they need to work out their problems.
Their own anxiety and need for control causes them to be 'understanding' of what you're going through, but you need to be the parent. "Saying nothing will leave your child stressed, as if he must compartmentalize both worlds and tiptoe around this other experience.
Get outside help for yourself, get therapy if necessary, and maintain those boundaries. And it might be difficult, but never criticize your ex -- it's a criticism of your child, who, of course, is 50% of your ex-husband or wife. Say, 'It sounds like you are feeling sad/mad/upset about meeting your dad's new girlfriend, is that right? On the other hand, grilling the child puts him squarely in the middle, which is an impossible position emotionally.